Quick word and a favor (please read and comment)

For those who haven't checked it out, please take a look at "Scribbles and Bits" (specifically, the Julie & Julia post). It may give you an idea of some things I'm focusing on (such as the Sunday Best posts, where I try sharing the best bit from my week).

At the end of the post I ask your opinion. In a nutshell, I ask whether I should overhaul this blog, focus solely on Scribbles and Bits and leave this one to gather dust, or merge the two (including the likely result of changing this blog's name to... Scribbles & Bits.)

You can comment there, here, or on Facebook if you wish. If the vote is to overhaul, I am going to take advantage of my week off from work to work on it.

Thank you,
-Ash

What's Going On

I know some people have messaged me here and elsewhere asking me not to stop writing. Change the name, the focus... but don't go.

The reason I need to cut back? ...I have three blogs and a number of side projects and cannot give time or focus to all of them. This particular blog was only supposed to be a one-year thing. My second, Un-Extrordinary Adventures of Fangirl, is primarily a collection of videos and links to things I personally find interesting and cool. Its updates are infrequent at the moment. The third, Scribbles and Bits, is a project that has been in the works for the better part of a year. What was supposed to be a colaboration between a few other nerds and I, quickly became a solo endeavor and was retooled after our original vision went south. After finally getting off the ground (though, the page itself still looks bare), posts there are twice a week: a Sunday posting, and a second (more thought out) post later in the week.

The major difference is that this blog has everything and is rather scattered (a far cry from last year when there were a list of goals and the blog was a way to share what I was doing and learning through all of it). The other two have more of a purpose or focus. Fangirl is a place for my nerdy side: videos of dances, interesting remixes, advice from the Green brothers of the popular "Vlogbrothers" channel on YouTube. Scribbles... though new, has a bit more discipline for me. Sundays are light, comprised of videos or photos. Any other post would be things that weigh on my mind or otherwise cause me to take pause and reflect proplerly on a subject. The posts are still short in length, but as time goes on I'm expecting to find my footing with it.

Until I can decide on what to do with OY,SC (close up shop? hiatus? set out goals for 2012 and start again at New Years?), I'm probably not going to post here. I've given myself a deadline of New Years to try making Fangirl work (schedule-wise) and give Scribbles a shot. If you've got a suggestion... I'm all ears. Otherwise, I thank you for being patient through all of this.

-Ashley

Announcement

A lot of changes have gone on this past year. At this moment, it doesn't feel it. This time last year, my weeks revolved around going to work, going to church on Sunday, and coming home. When I was upset, stressed, or thought that others disapproved of me, I self-isolated and used things like housework as distractions. I internalized things, letting them eat at me until I fully believed I was to blame for even things I had no involvement in. I told myself lies, and believed them, because ...it just made life easier. Not easier in the sense that I'd have no worries, but easier in the sense that it didn't make the day-to-day stuff worse.

This past summer, I tried being normal. Like everyone else.

It was different. In a sense, it was freeing to not have to bottle things up, to not have to be the boring, odd one out. It was nice to be able to have friends around, and not worry about weather or not I'd be scolded for it. It was nice to get out of the house and have a hobby... to get back to something I greatly missed... to feel happy and myself like I did before life happened.

But with the summer ending, I slowly put them away. I knew this would happen. In the past few weeks, one thing I had yet to put away completely seemed to take care of itself rather suddenly. No more occasional trips to the city to go dancing. No more hanging out in the back yard. No more giggling over dating profiles, long discussions on familial drama, or confiding in what truly troubles us.

No, in fact the confusion and worry that plagued me earlier this week seems to have turned to the familiar heaviness of resignation. I still find myself wanting to pull up Facebook, or grab my phone and text a friend, to share or discuss... given that there have been a few big decisions to make, and I'd love to bounce ideas and weight the decisions with people... But in all honesty, I don't think I can do that. Without going into details, it seems as though I have left friends either greatly disappointed in me, or upset enough to ignore me altogether. I can't do much more than I have.. I've apologized, and in one case, I am honestly speechless. I can't support a denial or rebuttal without evidence, and how can I supply evidence when I've distanced myself from everyone, even those close to me. That, right there, was my own fault. I have never hidden from the fact that I use avoidance and isolation (I cut myself off from others) when things are overwhelming.

On the plus side, I think I'm handling it better than expected. Because as much as this hurts, as many bad memories as this brings up, I don't want to hurt myself or do something else stupid (self-destructive). And though I'm still avoiding things with distractions (using these three days alone to do housework instead of resting), in the end, these past few days have pushed me toward making a few decisions that are likely long overdue.

For starters, I plan on closing up shop on one or two of my blogs. Part of it is that I've (temporarily?) lost the desire to write. I mean, who am I writing to? And for what purpose? This one may or may not (but likely will) end. It's one year intent ran up 10 months ago anyhow. Same for the Fangirl blog. As fun as the Fangirl blog was, I haven't updated it in a while, and though I have posts left to finish for it, it too may end.

Another decision had to do with a project to secretly bless a family. And while the plan is amazing and would take a while to come to fruition, it would involve some sacrifices that friends and family may not be too keen on. As long as I keep telling myself that recent (personal) changes are personal, it makes it easier to sacrifice to make this project possible. That's what I tell myself anyway, that the players are all being repositioned so that God's blessing could be made possible. It's not a comfortable thing, but then again, it never is... is it.

I'm going to use the rest of my 'thinking time' tonight and tomorrow wisely, and so long as I'm at peace with decision, will post my last update of this blog by Monday.

Thank you all, for reading this. Know that while I may not be updating this blog after next week, I will certainly give links to the blog(s?) that will become my new home.

Reading Questions: Last Bit

Due to a last minute change in plans, it seems my intended post on dresses will have to wait till this evening as we are set to drive me the puppy up the wall to the vet with last minute schedule changes and inconviencing presumptions for his last puppy shots.


So here, for now, is the last section of the reading questionaire.


48. What would cause you to stop reading a book half-way through?


Coming across a book that I believe I HAVE TO READ RIGHT NOW!!!
...or having a class with a reading requirement.

49. Do you like to keep your books organized?

Does a bird fly?

50. Do you prefer to keep books or give them away once you’ve read them?

They don't stay long after I've read them.

51. Are there any books you’ve been avoiding?

Many

52. Name a book that made you angry.

She's Just Not That Into You (the condensed version, or any version for that matter)

53. A book you didn’t expect to like but did?

Hmm.... Maybe "How to Go from Being a Good Evangelical to a Committed Catholic in Ninety-Five Difficult Steps" by Christian Smith


54. A book that you expected to like but didn’t?

*shudder* ...Twilight. I honestly expected to be won over, but was turned off even more to the whole thing.



55. Favorite guilt-free, pleasure reading?

Young Adult fiction.

Reading Questions: 41-47

41. The longest I’ve gone without reading.


Books? Maybe a week or two. ...Maybe.


42. Name a book that you could/would not finish.

Emma. I hate Emma with a passion.



43. What distracts you easily when you’re reading?

Everything... particularly people trying to engage me in conversation while I'm obviously trying to be engrossed in a book.


44. Favorite film adaptation of a novel.

My favorite experience of seeing an adaptation of a novel I've read has to be "Red Dragon".
So excited was I that when visiting Universal Studios, I took a picture of the sign showing that they were filming it (after I just finished reading it myself) and took a friend with me to see it as his birthday gift.



45. Most disappointing film adaptation?

How about "film adaptations I avoid like the plague"... cause that's an easy one: anything by Nicholas Sparks.


46. The most money I’ve ever spent in the bookstore at one time?

...It's somewhere around $150.  I think. ...I hope.


47. How often do you skim a book before reading it?

Always

Reading Questions: 31-40

31. How do you feel about giving bad/negative reviews?


I don't, unless it's really, really bad.


32. If you could read in a foreign language, which language would you chose?

Latin... or Klingon. I'd love to be able to read "Hamlet" in the original Klingon. ;)


33. Most intimidating book you’ve ever read?

Anna Karenina


34. Most intimidating book you’re too nervous to begin?

Dating "self-help" books


35. Favorite Poet?

Weird Al... he counts, right?
I actually never had a favorite. Shocking, I know. I love poetry, but never really had a favorite. Had a favorite poem though:

Maud Muller, on a summer's day,

Raked the meadow sweet with hay.

Beneath her torn hat glowed the wealth
Of simple beauty and rustic health.

Singing, she wrought, and her merry glee
The mock-bird echoed from his tree.

But when she glanced to the far-off town,
White from its hill-slope looking down,
The sweet song died, and a vague unrest
And a nameless longing filled her breast,

A wish, that she hardly dared to own,
For something better than she had known.

The Judge rode slowly down the lane,
Smoothing his horse's chestnut mane.

He drew his bridle in the shade
Of the apple-trees, to greet the maid,

And ask a draught from the spring that flowed
Through the meadow across the road.

She stooped where the cool spring bubbled up,
And filled for him her small tin cup,

And blushed as she gave it, looking down
On her feet so bare, and her tattered gown.

"Thanks!" said the Judge; "a sweeter draught
From a fairer hand was never quaffed."

He spoke of the grass and flowers and trees,
Of the singing birds and the humming bees;

Then talked of the haying, and wondered whether
The cloud in the west would bring foul weather.

And Maud forgot her brier-torn gown,
And her graceful ankles bare and brown;

And listened, while a pleased surprise
Looked from her long-lashed hazel eyes.

At last, like one who for delay
Seeks a vain excuse, he rode away.

Maud Muller looked and sighed: "Ah me!
That I the Judge's bride might be!

"He would dress me up in silks so fine,
And praise and toast me at his wine.

"My father should wear a broadcloth coat;
My brother should sail a painted boat.

"I'd dress my mother so grand and gay,
And the baby should have a new toy each day.

"And I'd feed the hungry and clothe the poor
And all should bless me who left our door."

The Judge looked back as he climbed the hill,
And saw Maud Muller standing still.

"A form more fair, a face more sweet
Ne'er hath it been my lot to meet.

"And her modest answer and graceful air
Show her wise and good as she is fair.

"Would she were mine, and I to-day,
Like her, a harvester of hay

"No doubtful balance of rights and wrongs,
Nor weary lawyers with endless tongues,

"But low of cattle and song of birds,
And health and quiet and loving words."

But he thought of his sisters, proud and cold,
And his mother, vain of her rank and gold.

So, closing his heart, the Judge rode on,
And Maud was left in the field alone.

But the lawyers smiled that afternoon,
When he hummed in court an old love-tune;

And the young girl mused beside the well,
Till the rain on the unraked clover,

He wedded a wife of richest dower,
Who lived for fashion, as he for power.

Yet oft, in his marble hearth's bright glow,
He watched a picture come and go;

And sweet Maud Muller's hazel eyes
Looked out in their innocent surprise.

Oft, when the wine in his glass was red,
He longed for the wayside well instead;

And closed his eyes on his garnished rooms
To dream of meadows and clover-blooms.

And the proud man sighed, with a secret pain,
"Ah, that I were free again!

"Free as when I rode that day,
Where the barefoot maiden raked her hay."

She wedded a man unlearned and poor,
And many children played round her door.

But care and sorrow, and childbirth pain,
Left their traces on heart and brain.

And oft, when the summer sun shone hot
On the new-mown hay in the meadow lot,

And she heard the little spring brook fall
Over the roadside, through the wall;

In the shade of the apple-tree again
She saw a rider draw his rein.

And gazing down with timid grace
She felt his pleased eyes read her face.

Sometimes her narrow kitchen walls
Stretched away into stately halls;

The weary wheel to a spinnet turned,
The tallow candle an astral burned,
And for him who sat by the chimney lug,
Dozing and grumbling o'er pipe and mug,

A manly form at her side she saw,
And joy was duty and love was law.
Then she took up her burden of life again,
Saying only, "it might have been."
Alas for maiden, alas for Judge,
For rich repiner and household drudge!
God pity them both! and pity us all,
Who vainly the dreams of youth recall.
For of all sad words of tongue or pen,
The saddest are these: "It might have been!"
Ah, well! for us all some sweet hope lies
Deeply buried from human eyes;
And, in the hereafter, angels may
Roll the stone from its grave away!


John Greenleaf Whittier's poem: Maud Muller






36. How many books do you usually have checked out of the library at any given time?

None.



37. How often have you returned book to the library unread?

Plenty... which is why I don't borrow books from the library. That, and the library is often closed.



38. Favorite fictional character?

From a book? ...Horatio Hornblower (I've only missed one or two of the books), Morgain (Mists of Avalon), and the Pigeon (from Mo Willem's pigeon series)


39. Favorite fictional villain?

Severus Snape

40. Books I’m most likely to bring on vacation?

I bring non-fiction, then don't read them cause I'm on vacation.
...exception: guide books

Reading Questions: 21-30

21. What will inspire you to recommend a book?


Finding the story/info meaningful and personally enlightening. But since most of what I read is non-fiction, reading something that explains a concept in a clear, concise manner is often the type of thing I recommend to others. Things like guides and how-to books that make complex or overwhelming information clear and easy to grasp.


22. Favorite genre?

Science fiction/fantasy and non-fiction (religion)



23. Genre you rarely read (but wish you did?)

I wish I read more of the classics.


24. Favorite biography?

I read biographies? ...ok, I read one biography and it was far from a favorite.



25. Have you ever read a self-help book?

Yes. Many of them.



26. Favorite cookbook?

Hmm... I don't think I have a favorite. There is one on my wishlist that I thumb through every time I go to the bookstore (looking at the info on saints....not necessarily at the recipes. Ok, at the pictures of the food too...) but our family cookbook is only pulled out for one recipe, taped on the back of a divider in the middle of the book.


27. Most inspirational book you’ve read this year (fiction or non-fiction)?

Weightless


28. Favorite reading snack?

Tea

29. Name a case in which hype ruined your reading experience.

There was a book that I won't mention, but I was caught up in the excitement, bought it, then realized I had already read it and it was boring. Also, "He's Just Not That Into You".

Swore I wouldn't read it. Picked up the condensed version... got mad at the book and wanted to chuck it out the window on the ride home. But that would be littering.

30. How often do you agree with critics about a book?

I rarely, if ever, care what a critic thinks about a book. This is because they don't know what I like in books. However, I will listen to my friends. They tell me why they liked the book, and why they think I'd like it.